When the suffering of others bring you down

When people’s suffering around you bringing you down

It is so easy to realize the light that you are when you are on a retreat in satsang with same minded souls.

But when you visit your family or when you go to the office or you meet your neighbours you are really challenged to check and see where is enlightenment really.

In our last meeting someone brought up the topic about their neighbours are bringing them down with their stories. When they meet on the street the neighbour would start telling this person their life story and what is wrong. Sometimes it can be too much and our friend just leaves the house at the back door to avoid meeting them.

It is a very essential and frequent every day situation for most of us and this is also an opportunity to practice how to meet these kinds of people.

First of all, people are suffering everywhere no matter if you live in the countryside or in a big city. It is just that in the countryside situations we usually know our neighbours a bit more than in a city.

Everybody needs some space
It is absolutely appropriate to leave your house at the backdoor to avoid meeting someone. WE all need some space from time to time. We should never have a bad feeling about this.

We may improve our talking style; Setting borders; Knowing we have a right to say no.
Since we meet these people regularly in our everyday life it is a perfect field to practice what works best for us.
There is the story when the Buddha and Govinda stopped in front of a small farmhouse and asked a young woman for some rice. But the woman with a baby in her arms got very angry and started shouting at them. “You monks have no idea about how hard life is for us normal farmers, I have three kids to feed and I have to work hard every single day”! She went back into the house and returned quickly. “This is the only thing I can offer to you” she said and offered the Buddha a used stinky nappy. Govinda immediately got very angry and started shouting at the woman. But the Buddha stopped him turned towards the woman and spoke with a friendly face. “Thank you for your gift but I don´t need it.” Than he silently gave back the nappy to the woman and walked away.
We do not have to listen to a conversation if we realize it is not helpful in any way. And we have a right to say this. I know quite well that for some of us it is very difficult because we think it is impolite to say no.

There can be these fear-based thought patterns rising: „What will the neighbour think about me?” But if you look at it closely, you might see that they already have their own ready-made opinion about you, they might even think you were crazy in the first place. And it is okay. You cannot change other people’s opinion about you anyway.

At the end of the day, we never know, but your neighbour might be ready to receive your words of wisdom and hear the truth, or not. The best is to stay true to ourselves and the rest is really not in our hands. If we look at the outside world for reference points, we will find ourselves running frantically around and it causes unnecessary suffering for us and we miss life as a result.

See what physical and mental reactions get started and stay with yourself.
In uncomfortable conversations we can realize some emotions coming up, maybe we get angry or we get impatient and nervous. Sometimes we get a headache or we become sleepy. And we can handle these reactions like we handle them in a course of a meditation: we see the reactions coming up, and we don´t follow them and we don’t go against them but we let them pass on by like clouds in the sky. And at the same time you might want to take your physical reactions as a sign to put out your borders, and give them (your talking partner, your neighbour, your colleague etc) back what they offered to you, namely: their stories and worries and with good wishes and with a smile on your face just move on. You will see how happy you will be knowing that you were willing to follow your own desire for peace and stillness. It might look like that you rejected them, but in truth you showed them an example of how to stay still and happy.

If you want to dive deeper book a private session with us, or check out our upcoming events and free guided meditations here.

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