True Friend

Don’t we just wish sometimes that somebody was on our side, who would remind us of the truth always when we get lost?

And we would be just true all the time and would be experiencing ourselves as love and peace. They would tell us when we are out of balance and just would bring us back to this moment, to our true nature. Like a teacher. Like a true friend, a true companionship. Well, I certainly wished that.

When we find a true teacher, they will confirm us, they will challenge us and bring us back to the truth of ourselves. But with the teacher we probably meet a few times a year and we feel that we need support in our everyday life. As it was in our case, because there is no ashram around Gangaji where you could be just near her all the time. She is just like us, and never wanted it another way. Honestly speaking I was happy that she did not have that opportunity offered. For some reason I was afraid of teachers and ashrams anyway.

So I prayed for some help and for a true friend and partner. We got to know each other with Harald at the workshops with Gangaji’s husband, Eli, where we were learning how to be a true friend to ourselves and to each other. These included some coaching and therapeutic skills which were so helpful when we entered our relationship as we started to share our everyday life by living together.

I know that this is a special case with Harald and I because we are both so willing to examine ourselves and inquire. We saw couples who might also be interested in nonduality and satsang, but when it comes to the grey daily life, neither of them or one of them is not willing to deal with personal problems, even childhood traumas in order to have a smoother life. So it is not guaranteed that your partner will be that true friend.

However, we can all learn to be a true friend to ourselves. It is mostly about noticing the inner critic and stopping following it. It is not easy though. It is like a retraining of the mind. But it is not just that! It is also deepening into what you really are, to not move from there whatever the circumstance. This needs discipline and perseverance. Perseverance can also be trained and strengthened for example by yoga and we do recommend it. Especially because the part of yoga which is about physical exercise (asanas) is crucial to be able to handle trauma. The body keeps the score, so it is with trauma! I do not know where I would be without yoga, it saved my life.

Yes, at the beginning we all need a teacher who gives us the tools, for example the questions that you can ask yourself or some particular exercises. It is good to hear something over and over again, so that it sticks into our unconscious and it will be there when a mind attack comes.

Moreover, we all need some personal help from time to time and it is so supporting to go to a one-on-one session with a therapist or a coach who is also interested in nonduality and they can guide us through blockages which we would suffer from for months and years otherwise, trying to figure it out all alone.

Meeting your personal nonduality coach or private teacher gives you a safe space and a secure feeling that it is only the two of you and not a whole community listening to you, which can cause some stress. So it is possible to go deeper into personal and family issues and bring all of that to the surface when necessary and face it, see it and change your reaction to it and being held by someone all along the way. It is so wonderful to be helped like that!

You might know this kind of an experience when you are talking to a friend and just by sharing your worries and reflecting on it you are relieved. And this experience in a private session can even be more, when like us, who are trained in how to guide you into your deepest desire of your heart, you can experience more relief and the depth of yourself.

We are not trying to convince you that you should come to sessions with us. We might not even fit to each other. But we are writing this to bring into your consciousness that IT IS VERY GOOD to ask for help. We know from personal experience that especially on a spiritual road we tend to depress our need for help. We tend to think that nonduality or our awakening will solve all personal and family issues. But it is not like that at all! It is a different matter, which sometimes has to be dealt with.

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All love to you all!

Your true friend

Adrienn & Harald