Satsang and Bad Feelings occuring

Satsang and Bad feelings and Feeling Stuck

Initially satsang was a relief for you but later you started to feel stuck or even felt worse than before you had started attending satsang. Loosing feeling good feels like a betrayal or even like an abandonment. It is just so disappointing for the whole body & mind system that the feeling good initial experience of satsang has changed.

First you had some good experience and it changed now into a bad experience. Maybe there is some fear that came up about your new job, maybe there is something in your family you have to solve and it triggers some old feelings, there maybe anger and sadness. You feel that your experience of expansion and bliss have left you in an instant.

The Trap of Doubting Your Spiritual Realization

Then you start doubting that experience of bliss which was actually the byproduct of having some glimpses into your true self. But the experience is NOT your true self. And the problem is that you also start doubting your realization of the true self just because the experience around it has now changed.

What can also happen is that you blame satsang or any kind of spiritual practice for feeling worse.

Understanding the Pattern: Why Do Old Habits Resurface?

So what to do? It is not your fault! First you must understand this pattern more clearly. This is what I am doing here now. So let us see:

Of course there is huge happiness when we hear in satsang that underneath or beyond all emotional, mental and physical experience there is something here which is untouched by all the experiences. You know it is true and you might even wake up to it in satsang.

And sooner or later your mind defines true self as always feeling good and happy.

However, the body and mind have their conditionings and latent tendencies come up. And you do not want to deal with these old habits of mind, you just want your true nature so you start pushing these old habits away. You just want that bliss back! Now you have taken directorship and you decided these bad feelings do not belong here so you locked them up or pretend they are not there. This is the so called discriminating fascist I in us and it is in us all. You are not alone with this! Same mind!

Of course since all these uncomfortable feelings are locked up, you feel stuck.

The bodily Experience of being Stuck

Now there is this contraction in your body, you truly believe that you are this body since it is so intense now. You are fixated on this experience now. You do not want to let go, you feel you have to stay as a guard here to not let those demons out! This hypervigilant nervous system takes so much energy from you that you feel really tired.

Are You Willing to Explore the Director Within?

Question: Are you willing to have a look at this director, at this controlling I? Without judgement.

Stop and feel it. Welcome it. What is it? Just be curious without wanting to give the right answer…Just be open. Let it show you itself. Have a big breath.

Everything is okay as it is happening. Let go of even controlling this process. 🙂

Self-inquiry:

You can even journal about this. How does it feel like being stuck? How does it feel like having to push away those bad feelings about yourself? Is it working? Do you like it?

What does it give you being the director here seemingly? Maybe it is trying to protect you? It might be an old pattern you learned as a child to not be overwhelmed by bad feelings so that you can survive.

All of these inquiries you can do alone but if it is too difficult you can bring it to satsang. You can come and have a private consultation with us…

Understanding Psychological Patterns: A Step Toward Freedom

Continuing with some psychological knowledge which is also part of gjana yoga or yoga of knowledge. The more you know about your psychological patterns the more quickly you can catch them, see them for what they are…And from there you have a choice…to follow them or not.

As I mentioned at the beginning, when you lose the good feelings when you feel you lost your stillness and peace or however you felt…you feel abandoned, you feel that truth has left you…And this feeling of abandonment is known to you from childhood, you learned to project this feeling of abandonment on your experience of change…

I do not mean that now we have to go into some trauma healing. Everyone of us has some kind of an abandonment issue…at some point every one of us realizes that our parents are not Gods.

It is enough now that you know about this.

You Are Awareness: Holding Space for Whatever Arises

And if you already had at least a glimpse into the truth of who you are then you know that all these experiences are appearing in you. You are this awareness, and this means you have the capacity to hold whatever arises and passes away.

You compassionately give room for the feeling of abandonment, the feeling of disappointment.

You are not that abandoned imaginary self but that which is aware of it now.

You rest your attention back into this beingness and awareness that you are.

Sometimes it is necessary that we look at the abandonment issue more closely together, you can really understand it, and thank it, welcome it…release the emotions around it with some exercises or chakra balancing…

Satsang is supporting you to trust yourself again. Trust the peace and love that you truly are. There is huge spaciousness all of the sudden in which even the psychological patterns are welcomed, can be seen through in a very tender way.

Satsang is not spiritual bypassing. Everything is here.

Everyone Wants Freedom

You can also recognize the ultimate truth that there has never been a director and there has never been a you as a separate entity that has been suffering. It is all a thought.

And you know this deep within.

The whole of the above written so called therapeutic intervention is also an illusion. But if you know this too soon, you might fall into the so called spiritual bypassing when a bad feeling comes up in the body and you repress it. Realizing the ultimate truth is freedom, but learning about the nature of the relative truth and your psychology is also essential so that you do not fall back into some false identification. You embrace your human nature which is never perfect.

We are supporting you in directly experiencing the truth which cannot be taught and we teach you about the nature of mind so that you can look through it.

If you want to dive deeper you may book a private session with us or with one of us. If you cannot afford the price of the session please feel free to write to us here.

You can also check if it is for you by booking a FREE 15 MINUTE CONSULTATION.

We also invite you to check out our upcoming events and free guided meditations here.

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May all beings be happy!

Love,

Adrienn & Harald