I was able to experience this with the helping attention of a true friend, Adrienn. She was present with such consciousness which did not let me slide out through the little gate of “talking-things-out”, which I usually used to help me sit back into the warmth of my Comfortzone.

I needed the supporting sentences and the questions from Adrienn which guided me to the gate because in truth the mind always keeps producing self-justifications. The moment when you put down your masks, and you start to go inside, you touch the pain and then investigate: “What is beyond that?” is like a big slap, but I can say that THAT moment is worth everything.

If you look at this painting of mine, you see two faces leaning against each other. The two faces are covered with a butterfly as a kind of a mask. The butterfly is the symbol of transformation on the one hand, and on the other hand it is such a transient and easily disappearing little being which veils the Reality from us. The meaning of Leela is “play”, because when you get to the core of your being, you see that all your stories, the therapy, the healing…ALL are the illusionary play of God.

You can also look at the picture as a process inside: You always have a part of you, which is vigilantly aware, even when the pain appears in you. And this awareness guides you to a higher dimension, which is beyond the personality, the character and the bundle of thoughts which you now think to be true.

The black and white butterflies (as beings waiting for liberation) are flying towards the gate opened by the two faces bending against each other, as everyone else is heading towards the same mystery in endlessly different ways: What makes you happy? 

“the God-form hole can only be filled with God.” – Jókai Anna (Hungarian writer)

If someone someday asks you: What do you REALLY want? I recommend you to answer it honestly and your mind will stop. :)))

 – Ria, Illustrator